


Haise

by speia



Series: My eyes are always on you [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Porn, Arima POV, Arima loves Haise, Daddy Kink, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speia/pseuds/speia
Summary: Arima and Haise fell in love with each other. But Haise had no memory of his past Now Sasaki remembers, nothing is the same.





	1. You're not Haise

He was well aware. He wasn’t Haise. He wasn’t Haise anymore. He didn’t behave like Haise. He didn’t even look like Haise anymore. He was an entire different person. Closer to Ken Kaneki. And still, still, still… _Haise._ He couldn’t think of any other name for him especially when they were so close to each other. Though even that was different now. Out of respect Arima had started to give him space. He knew Haise wouldn’t have endured that for a second but what about him who was not Haise? He seemed to have accepted it. No more secret meetings in Arima’s office, no more kisses behind closed doors, no more time together. _No more glances either._ It wasn’t just a change in Sasaki’s appearance. It was a complete change in all his person. Arima had understood that. Arima was ready to let him go. For it was perhaps the best thing to do for the both of them.

 

He heard a small knock at his door that dragged him out of his reading. He wasn’t expecting any visit. He wasn’t expecting any company either. He got up lazily, somehow relieved to have abandoned that painful rereading of Kafka’s _A Crossbreed_ even just for a moment. Sometimes he wondered how pathetic he was to be still attached to such a fantasy. _Haise is gone._ A part of him wasn’t accepting it. He reached the door, ready to decline any seller, ready to decline everything. He was surprised when the door revealed a Sasaki completely dressed in black, standing in silence, looking at him with a strange expression in the eye. _Haise…_ He wasn’t Haise. He didn’t look like Haise anymore. Was he really that different? His face was the same.

“Sasaki” Arima’s voice was well composed, sometimes he could slap himself for appearing so cold and distant. Haise needed warmth. This was why it couldn’t work. “What can I do for you?”

“We need to talk.”

Sasaki’s voice was cold too. And his face unreadable. _He looks like me. He’s a black version of the Reaper._ To talk, right. Maybe he needed to voice it, to voice everything had become too different from what expected. To voice everything was now over. And if he remembered, and he did remember it was obvious to everyone, there was no way he wanted to spend more time with the man who had… wounded him that much. Arima made room to let the boy through. This was a normal thing they had done plenty of time. But this time it truly hurt. Perhaps this was the last he went through that door after all. _I need Haise back._ This complete silence was awkward. Haise used to talk all the time to fill the blanks. Arima always thought he was talking too much. But now he wasn’t talking anymore there was something missing. Haise was perfect, he loved him for that. No. He loved him, it made him perfect to his eyes. When they reached the living room, Arima noticed the glance Sasaki made at the book on the couch but said nothing about it. Good. Arima would have had troubles to explain his own choice. _I miss you, isn’t that enough?_

“Should I make coffee, Sasaki?” Why was he so formal in his speaking?

“I’ll do it.”

Haise’s coffee was always better than Arima’s. Haise’s coffee was the best Arima could have drunk in his entire life. And he had drunk an incredible amount of coffee in his life. He watched his doing leaning on the door frame, arms crossed to gain composure. That wasn’t very effective but it reassured him a bit. A bit only. _Why are you here? Why don’t you talk as you’ve asked me to? Do you know how much I hurt?_ For a second he saw Haise in his gestures. The way he put the kettle to boil, the way he reached for the coffee, the round movement he made with the hot water. Everything. Everything was left untouched. For a second the only noticeable difference was his black hair. A tiny detail, really. Nothing to make a fuss about. He fought the urge to run his fingers through those black locks to feel if they were as soft as Haise’s were. That was such an inappropriate thing to do. And if he hadn’t lost him already, for sure he would after doing such an intimate move. He just waited for the coffee to be served. Sasaki was quick to put two cups on the kitchen table. They both sat and took few sips in silence. The coffee was very good as usual. It tasted like Haise. If he closed his eyes he could almost – almost! – pretend he was with Haise, pretend they were happy, pretend nothing had changed between them. But reality is cruel and he was quickly reminded everything had changed.

“Is that good?” Sasaki’s voice was almost a whisper. If they weren’t so silent, Arima wouldn’t have caught it in the first place.

“As always.”

This art of filling the blanks… _Haise._ But Haise would have gone on with the little chat where the man in front of him just opened his mouth again to finish his coffee. Well, it felt nice at least for a second, Arima thought as he swallowed the rest of his coffee down his throat. _What now?_ Sasaki took both their cups and went washing them at the sink. _Is that so hard to say?_ It took him way too long to wash only two cups, maybe he couldn’t face his former lover after all. But Arima waited. The less Sasaki said the more he stayed here. The more Arima could look at him. The more Arima could pretend they were still happy with each other. But the water stopped running. Sasaki’s voice was clear.

“Arima?”

“Yes?”

“I… remember everything. Cochlea and even… before” he said still bent over the sink.

“I know” Arima got up to go near him, he didn’t touch him though, he just stood next to him “I know you’re not… Haise anymore.”

“Arima, please…”

“Don’t push yourself, Sasaki. I get where you’re going.”

“Are you kidding me?”

He almost yelled. He had turned to face Arima and before the Reaper could open his mouth to reply he grabbed him by the collar violently. _You’ve become strong, Haise._ Whatever he wanted to do, he would allow him. He deserved the worst. He was the one who started a relationship with the very boy he had almost killed at V14. It wasn’t part of his plan to fall in love like this. But even the Reaper could be weak sometimes. Sasaki’s hands were trembling and even his angry face was beautiful. Arima only regretted it didn’t last longer, this little piece of heaven…

“Are you kidding me?” Sasaki repeated “You don’t get shit!”

“Sasaki…”

“Don’t call me that! You’re so… wrong!” he was crying now and Arima’s heart hurt so bad he wished this could be over quite soon.

“I am sorry.”

“Sorry, my ass! It’s painful for both of us!” Arima didn’t expect Sasaki to hug him so close and so suddenly “I fucking miss you!”

Arima wanted to reply, really. But he didn’t find the words, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t quite understand either. This wasn’t Haise. He didn’t know this man. But he wrapped his arms around him all the same. As if this were still Haise. He stroked his hair too. They were feeling the same under his fingers.

“I miss Haise” Arima confessed.

“Start by allowing me to remain Haise! You’ve pushed me away since my memories came back. You never considered my feelings could have stayed the same towards you.”

“I’ve hurt you back then, there’s no way…”

He got interrupted by Sasaki’s mouth kissing him. Kissing him. Arima’s eyes widened. It tasted like Haise. It was as shy and clumsy as Haise’s. He was waiting for Arima to take the lead just like Haise. The body he held had the same shape as Haise’s. But he wasn’t… or perhaps he was still deep inside of him… _Haise._ Arima kissed him back. There was too much of Haise in that kiss. With his eyes closed there was a lot more of Haise. His two-toned hair, his smile, his puns, him… He removed Sasaki’s glasses to enhance the illusion. _Haise._ He kissed him so hungrily it was hard to breathe but he had missed him so bad, too bad. _Haise._ But he had to break the kiss to catch his breath, to reopen his eyes, to see him who wasn’t Haise anymore. But when he smiled at him, he was wearing Haise’s smile on his face. Arima was very confused. _You’re not Haise. You just used to be him._ Sasaki cupped his face gently.

“Kishou… I’m Haise. I’m not the Haise you used to know. But I’m still Haise. Please allow me to remain Haise.”

“Sasaki…”

“Please, Kishou.” The first name was used on purpose. “I still am Haise.”

Arima bit his lower lip several times before giving up and holding him closer.

“I’ve missed you too, Haise.”

Even the Reaper had weakness.

 


	2. I need to feel how much of Haise you still are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confused sexy time with a confused Arima.   
> I can't help thinking Arima sounds cute when confused lol

He took him in an embrace and kissed him again. He felt something wrong in his heart but decided not to listen to it. Haise was back to him. Even if he didn’t know this Haise, even if he hadn’t taken the time to know him like he did for No.240 at Cochlea. This was Haise. And he needed Haise. He needed Haise more than he would ever admit. And Sasaki said he was Haise, he was willing to be Haise a little more. _Haise_. This sounded almost like a lullaby. He was in need for more, he craved for more. He wanted to make Haise his again, so he wouldn’t escape him anymore. Even this Haise he didn’t know yet. For he was Haise no matter what. Was he luring himself? Perhaps. Did he care? Not at all. All he cared about was Haise and Haise alone. And when he closed in eyes, honestly, it almost felt like he was holding and kissing the old Haise. The boy was shivering under his touch and hunger but silently allowed him to go for more. The silent yes and no, Arima had learnt to understand them a long time ago. He took him to his room and pinned him onto the bed. Really, he couldn’t hold back. Not after all this time. He was human after all. And in love. And desperate.

“Kishou…”

The tone he used was Haise’s. The voice he had was Haise’s. There was so much of Haise in all his being. He was the boy to whom Arima gave a name. He was the boy to whom Arima provided hope. He was the boy he fell in love with. And with a past to refer to now. This was the only change in his character. The rest, nothing but details: black hair instead of these usual two tones, the glasses, the cold composed attitude… _He just tries to get closer to me in his own way._ Really, that was the truth. A truth that sounded like lies.

“Kishou, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar” Sasaki flashed a sad smile that made him look like Haise _a lot_ “I love you, you know.”

“Haise…”

“I’ve always loved the way you say my name.”

“It’s not your name.”

“It is. It is my name. It’s the name we chose together. For me. We named me this way. Together.”

Well, he obviously knew how to make his way to the Reaper’s heart. Arima answered nothing and kissed him again. First softly. But soon he forced his way in the boy’s mouth with his tongue. Sasaki’s eyes widened at first and then closed. He tilted his head to give him full access, he opened wider to allow him more space. Whoever this Haise was, he was giving himself to him. Whoever this Haise was, Arima was about to possess him completely. The Reaper slid a hand under Sasaki’s shirt and massaged his skin. He could feel the boy moan in the kiss. The body he touched was more muscled than he remembered but that wasn’t unpleasant. Sasaki started to unbuttoned Arima’s shirt, his fingers trembling a bit. Was he afraid? Was he confused? Arima chose to ignore it as he let the boy take care of that shirt himself and played with his nipples. Haise broke the kiss and mewled. This had always been a very sensitive spot. His fingers gripped on Arima’s clothing.

“Aaaah… Kishou…”

Arima remained silent. He removed both of their shirts quickly, bending down to kiss Haise’s neck, his collarbone, his torso, to take one of his nipple in his mouth and bite it. Haise arched, he was overreacting, perhaps because this had been a long time… Arima was taking his time on purpose. He wanted to enjoy every inch of his new Haise. And by the noises the boy let escape, he assumed he was also enjoying it. He was leaving bloody trails on Arima’s back but for what he cared…

“Ki… Kishou… Fuck me, please fuck me.”

“Don’t be eager, Haise.”

“I… I need you… inside…”

“But you’ve become too beautiful, I have to touch you.”

“Aaah… Kishou!”

Arima’s hand had gotten lower and was grabbing his ass, pressing both their clothed and hard crotches together. He sucked slowly at his neck, leaving a mark that healed the second after. Haise’s hands were in his hair, making a mess of his locks.

“Daddy…” he whispered as he bucked his hips to feel more of Arima.

“What is it, Haise?”

“Please be good to me.”

“Haise…” Arima licked his earlobe “Don’t worry about that, I’ll take a good care of you.”

He started to undo Haise’s belt and pants quickly. The boy sighed when his painful erection was finally exposed to full sight. Arima ran his fingers on the length, teasing him, before taking it in a firm grip and giving it few pumps. Haise threw his head back, looking at the ceiling with half-closed eyes. Moans were escaping his lips and he screamed when Arima licked the leaking head of his cock with no warning.

“Daddy, you don’t have to… Ah!”

He had taken him in his mouth and was bobbing his head with a quick pace. Haise wasn’t really expecting that. It took him some time to move his hips in rhythm with his lover. He was moaning erratically. Arima’s cock twitched in his pants when he heard him screaming his name over and over again, when the pleasure he made him feel was very obvious. He swirled his tongue around Haise’s cock and came to stroke softly his balls with the back of his fingers. Haise wanted to scream but no sound left his throat. His toes curled up, his fingers formed a fist.

“Daddy, you don’t have to… Ah! I’m gonna… I’m gonna…”

Arima bobbed his head faster and pumped the length he couldn’t get in his mouth. Haise’s mewls were a sweet melody to his ears. The boy’s knuckles were becoming white as he suddenly came in Arima’s mouth.

“Aaah… Kishou…”

Arima swallowed his seed with no hesitation. He tasted like Haise. He looked up at the boy and the way he panted, the blush on his cheeks, this lewd face… _Haise._ The awkward smile he had on just after he came… _Haise._ The hand that went to stroke Arima’s face too gently. _Haise…_ He rose to kiss him and noticed Haise’s limbs were still shivering. It was more noticeable when the boy ran his palms on Arima’s torso and back. It enhanced when he started to undo Arima’s belt, to get his pants off him, to stroke his lover’s so hard cock. Arima broke the kiss to look at him in the eye. He was so lustful and appealing. His eyes were Haise’s. _You’re beautiful, Haise._ Arima made the both of them sit, kept kissing each inch of this face he fell in love with. His right hand was touching the black hair on his head, his left one stroking the pale skin of his back. Haise’s hand was still on his lover’s cock, slowly pumping it. His other came to take Arima’s right one to his mouth. He started licking Arima’s fingers hungrily. His face blushed a little more and Arima could help smiling at the sight. _I love you, Haise._ Arima played with the inside of his mouth a bit, knowing where to touch to make the boy moan around his digits.

“Haise, that’s enough.”

The boy opened to let Arima withdraw his fingers. Haise lied on his back, spreading his legs, trying to hold his eagerness back. It made Arima smirk once again. Seeing him like this, begging for more, begging him. The white-haired man started to tease his hole, stealing mewls and pants from his lover. He pushed a finger inside and was surprised it was this tight. Tears were forming at the corners of Haise’s eyes, he was hurting. It had been too long. _I’m sorry, Haise._

“Are you okay, Haise?”

“Y…yes. Mo-more, please.”

“More?” Arima was surprised but maybe what he thought was pain was in fact… pleasure?

“Yes, daddy. More. Please.”

There was something weird about it but Arima chose not to pay attention as he put another finger inside of him and started scissoring them. Haise screamed and arched back. After few time Arima decided to add a third finger and to curl them up to tease the boy’s prostate. Haise moaned and panted more when he found it, all in sweat and erected again.

“Ah… Kishou… More!”

When their eyes met, Arima noticed his kakugan was visible. That black and red eye was a sign of loss of control over his self. Haise did what he always did in this situation, he put a hand on it to hide it from Arima. He had always been ashamed of it, of that non-human part of his self. _You’re so beautiful, Haise._

“Remove your hand, Haise.”

“N-no… It’s ugly.”

“It’s not. Look at me. With both eyes.”

Haise obeyed and was rewarded by a good boy. He mewled for more, looking at Arima with needy eyes. Arima’s heart ran faster against his chest. He couldn’t restrain himself anymore. This look… This expression… _Haise._ He removed his fingers and Haise let escape a whine at the loss of contact. But he automatically rolled on his belly and raised his ass up, offering it to Arima. The Reaper’s twitch at the sight of such a tempting hole. He barely restrained himself to literally shove his dick in it. When he pushed inside he realized a second too late it was too rough after so long. Haise had gasped the moment he got in and he was now trembling like an autumn leaf. Arima waited for him to adapt to the size and he could hear his breathing getting short and heavy. _I’m sorry, Haise._

“Are you okay?”

“Yes… Please, move.”

“I…”

“Daddy, please.”

There was something like tears in his voice. Or perhaps it was too much pleasure? Arima did as he wished anyway, moving slowly, making sure not to be too eager. He didn’t want to hurt him more than necessary. Though he felt good inside of Haise. Even inside of this Haise he didn’t know. He felt as good as he had always felt when he made love to him. He wanted to pin him against the bed and to go on him faster, harder, rougher. To make him entirely his. He couldn’t do that. That was too selfish of him.

“Gna… Harder, daddy!”

“Wh-what?”

“Harder! Fuck… me! Aaah… fuck me like you used to.”

“But you are… It’s been…”

“Just fuck me! Hard! Make me feel you… inside. More…”

Haise would never have begged to be hurt like this. For what he asked now, in this situation, would hurt him. It had been too long, he was too tight. _Haise wouldn’t. You’re not him._ Arima kept his moves slow but Sasaki’s pleas made him surrender in the end and he went faster, harder, slamming his cock inside of the boy. Roughly. _Haise, why?_ The boy was screaming out of pleasure, screaming how full he felt with Arima inside of him, how bad he wanted it, how good it was… _Why do you want to be hurt by me, Haise?_ His hands were gripping the sheets so hard his hands and arms were all trembling. All his joints were white. His hips moved to match Arima’s thrusts. He asked for more but his voice was now hoarse. He was close, Arima could tell by the way his cock twitch and his body tensed. Arima was close as well and both his hands caught Haise’s body more firmly. He should have said something. Said it was also good for him, said Haise was a good boy, said he was about to come. Something. But the only things that escaped his lips were grunts and pants he couldn’t keep for himself.

“Daddy… I’m… can I…”

“Do…”

Haise came the second after spreading white all over Arima’s bed. Arima was a little long to follow, haunted by silly thoughts as he was doing the boy through his orgasm. _Why do I have to hurt you again, Haise?_ When he climaxed he rested his head on Haise’s shoulder. He stayed still a moment, feeling himself soften inside of his lover, feeling his own sperm leaking out. _Why do you need to be hurt to be happy, Haise?_

“Kishou… That hurts…”

He only realized he was holding him too firmly, so firmly it’d have left bruises if this body was human. He apologized and let go of the boy and withdrew to lie down on his back, facing the ceiling. Haise curled up by his side immediately and ran his fingers on his torso. Haise used to do that after sex as well. A way of claiming the Reaper as his own. A way of showing his love. _Are you Haise?_ Arima’s vision blurred suddenly and it took him some time to realize it was because he was crying. Great. Arima Kishou crying after sex. How pathetic. _I need to know how much of Haise you are._

“Kishou…” Haise’s hand came to dry his tears “Kishou, I’m here” his mouth came to kiss him softly on the lips “I’m not going anywhere” fingers came to play with his white hair “I’ll stay by your side until the end” and the ultimate words were finally said “I love you, Kishou.”

“Hai…se…” _Again. Tell me that again with Haise’s voice._

“I love you” just that three little words “I’ll keep saying it until you believe me again, Kishou. I’m Haise. And I love you.”

Oh right. Arima Kishou had always been a weak man to begin with.


	3. I love you, Haise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst at its peak, I made myself cry writing it.
> 
> How much Arima can say if he doesn't want to hurt Haise again?

Arima blinked several times. This warmth near to him… How much he had missed it. The shape of that familiar body, the scent of Haise sleeping. Haise by his side, completely relaxed, probably having a good dream. Haise’s hand on his torso. His own arm wrapping Haise. Haise. _Haise…_ What happened verged on the surreal. Haise and him. Again. So close and yet so far. Arima sighed. It was wrong to doubt him this way. It was awful to question his identity this way. To question the very identity he provided the half-ghoul with. _Love is a real pain._ He was wrong for the very beginning. He was just fooling himself, just holding onto something gone for far too long. Sasaki moved softly in Arima’s arms, mumbling confused sounds. He was so at peace now, he was very beautiful with his half-open lips and his face buried in the crook of Arima’s neck. And calm. And serene. Stress was finally left out. Arima kissed his forehead gently. Sasaki had a ghost of a smile on his lips when he did so. He stroked his hair and the smile widened. _I’m a fool._ He leaned down to look at him better but his eyesight was failing him. Blind spots everywhere. He reached for his glasses and put them on but it barely changed a thing. Black was invasive, more and more each day. _I can’t even see you._ He bent down to kiss him fully on the lips. He also wrapped his arms softly around him to bring him closer. At first he had thought of a chaste kiss, just to feel the Haise he couldn’t no longer properly see. But his tongue went intrusive and he could feel the boy tense under his touch. He was a bit rough. How long had he left to still feel the boy he loved? Not much, for sure. _Haise… I don’t want to die._ Sasaki moaned when he woke up. Arima pushed deeper and Haise awkwardly kissed him back, still sleepy. _I don’t want to leave your side._ They parted and Sasaki gave him a peck on the nose, giggling.

“Hello, you too.”

Arima brought him closer, griped on his body firmer. As if Haise were about to disappear into thin air by any second. But the one disappearing wasn’t Haise. It was himself. Arima was well aware of that. Well too aware. _You’ve come back to me. I’ve allowed you back. And I’ll hurt you again. Why can’t I stop hurting you?_

“Kishou! Hey, Kishou!” Haise was almost yelling, there was panic in his voice.

“I’m sorry, Haise. I’m so selfish.”

“Kishou, I don’t understand…”

“I love you. I miss the Haise you used to be but I love you. You whom I hold and kiss. I need you. It’s selfish of me, to want the old Haise back.”

“Kishou, it’s not. I want him back too. It was so nice… being him, being only Haise, being your Haise. I’m sad when I realize I can’t be that Haise anymore. But I can’t be Ken Kaneki either. Not after what I lived those last years. Not after all those things I did and felt as Haise. I’m in-between. I’ve to figure out who I’ve become.”

“I haven’t made it easy. I ran away from you.”

“And I ran away from you too. I guess I’m just afraid you wouldn’t love me if I weren’t that Haise anymore. I didn’t want our relationship to end. And when you kissed me again yesterday, I was oh so happy!” 

“I… I’m sorry I made you feel this way.”

“You’re not to blame. I know I’m… different, now.”

Before Arima could answer, Sasaki had gotten up saying something about making coffee and breakfast. _Breakfast. You know I never take any breakfast._ Arima lied down on his back and faced the ceiling. He had always thought of death as a relief, not as an instrument of doom. A relief from this silly life of his. The life of a murderer, the life of a deadly CCG investigator, the life of someone who only spread death around him. _And all those people saying I am not human, that I am some God. But I’m not, I’m not!_ Why had he been shown hope at the very end? The way Haise had looked at him after their first time, the way he had spooned him against him, as if Haise were trying to protect him, to remind him he was human and loved. _I’ll never forget how I felt in your arms. And how good it felt to let go._ The room started to smell like coffee and pancakes. Sasaki was cooking. Like back in the days. Arima close his eyes and inhaled deeply. Without a failing eyesight, he could now pretend time had frozen. Better, he could pretend he still had time. He didn’t know for how long he dreamt of that fantasy. Haise brought him to reality by touching him. The hand on his cheek that made him open his eyes, this smile – oh he would have killed for that smile – all of that boy felt very real. Way too real. _You really made me happy, Haise._

“You fell back asleep, Kishou.”

“I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You.”

“Oh…” Sasaki blushed. _Not Sasaki, Haise._ “Kishou… you’ll stay with me, right? Even if I’m not very much like him, even if I’ve changed, even if I keep changing, you’ll stay with me, won’t you?” There was insecurity in his voice.

“I…” What should he say? That his life was coming to an end? That, yes, he’d stay but soon die? Should he break up? No, that was not the solution and it’d make the both of them suffer for nothing. Stay silent? _Whatever… Haise’ll get hurt and it can’t be avoided._

“Ah it’s silly, don’t mind me. I think I just feel a little lost” Haise awkwardly added when he saw Arima’s hesitation.  

 _We both are. I don’t want hurt you again. But you will be. No matter what I do. I’m sorry. You deserve so much better, Haise._ Arima should have said that. He knew it. He just patted his head in a tender way, taking a cup of coffee in his hands and sipping few of its content. He ate a pancake too, trying to find some composure, trying to find the way to voice it properly. Not to make it awkward. But very clear and understandable. _It doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with you. Or the contrary. Now I’m going, I think I love you more… Haise…_ He stared at him while he was drinking his coffee. It was too late, there was no going back. If he had known, if only he had known, he would have taken a better care of himself. If he were stronger, just only a little bit stronger, he would have never allowed this kind of relationship in the first place. _This can only end badly. You must know that I’m sorry._

“Kishou…” Haise started.

“I’ll stay” Arima cut him. “I love you. I’ll stay.”

He received a kiss as an answer. _Ah… it hurts._ He kissed him back and felt very awkward. He hadn’t had the strength to voice his thought and fears completely. He was still so weak when it came to Haise. He couldn’t hurt him. Not after he just had him back. No, that would be mean of him. He’d tell him. Later. He swore to himself as his own thoughts were eating him from the inside. _I’ll stay. But not for long. I’m dying, Haise._ Tears were about to escape his eyes so he closed them. Haise mustn’t know yet. _I just wanted to love and be loved. As a human being._

_I’m really grateful to have been loved by you so much._

_Thank you, Haise._

_Good bye, Haise._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking for me, I'm sobbing in a corner... I'm so sorry for the angst

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue thank you :)


End file.
